Let Her Go

‘Well you only need the light when it’s burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low

Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go’

These lyrics are just beautiful. They tell us how much we dont appreciate the little things in life. They tell us that we only miss our loved ones when there gone. We dont appreciate them, we dont remind them enough that we love them. 

But thats the thing, they dont need reminding, when you love someone, you dont have to tell them every second that you love them.

You show them.

You can never show how much, but you can try.

You love them even though they probably get on your last nerve at times.

You love them at their worst and best.

You simply love them.

End of.

I love you. 

Deep Thoughts

Its strange really… You promise not to think dark thoughts but you do anyway. The urge to feel is strong, but theres something holding you back. People. People and them constantly judging. What if people saw the scars? I dont even want to think about it. And the thoughts come out of nowhere. When you’re laughing… You cant help but think, ‘what if things were different? Would I even feel this way? Thats the scary thing, what if I stay like this forever and everyone around me are oblivios to the things that go in my head? I dont know what I want.

I’ve been staring at my wrists lately and having thoughts, I’ve never had before. Thoughts I cant imagine in my wildest dreams. Goosebumps rise on my skin and my hands start shaking.

~ Fatima Khan

That wasnt something which I wrote, it was written by my bestfriend/sister.

Her instagram- @auragirl_13

My instagram- @pwincezzmaria

Comment if she should make her own her blog!

Photography & Edits

Here some pictures that I created, whilst messing around with edits

Original:

1:

2:

3:

4:

And I’m actually really proud of this:

Before

After

Here are some un-edited photos I took of the sky

Have an amazing day and stay beautiful!

Distant.

*Contains Swearing*

I get pissed off at my friends sometimes, also if I am sad about something else then I tend to say something to them which ends our relationships.

Some cases I say something really over the top and mean.

Sometimes I call them something rude.

I distant myself from my friends, and then expect them to forgive me.

Sometimes they understand, and most times they dont.

Thats the amazing thing about my sister (shes actually my bestfriend), she understands, yes she gets pissed at me alot, but she understands, thats one of the many thing I love about her.

Im slipping into that dark place again, I have mixed feelings towards it, I like it because I feel human but I dont like it because it affects everybody around me.

Music was my escape. It just doesnt work anymore.
Sleep was my escape, but I dont want to sleep because I know I’ll have to wake up again.

At the moment photography and blogging are my escapes.

A friend of mines status currently is ‘You arent given a hard or easy life, you are given a life, you decide what it is’. Thats amazing advice, but ‘easier said than done’.

I wonder every single fucking day why me?
Why do I have to suffer?

But everyone has to suffer, but God gives it to people who can handle it.

You see, I cannot.

Im struggling so much.

I need fucking help.

I dont even know what the fuck my life is right now.

I hope you have an amazing day and stay beautiful!

~Maryam x

My Journey Through Anxiety.

I was only diagnosed with anxiety a few months ago. I didnt really think much of it. Until, I had my first panic attack. I remember it so vividly! Each detail.

*Flashback*

‘I was in History class, my favourite class. I was sat with 3 of my close friends. (Not friends anymore). We were working on laptops. Suddenly my hands started shaking and I had this banging headache. I didnt think much of it, until I felt like I was being choked, I couldnt breathe. I sat there with this uneasy, tight feeling inside, and didnt have the courage to go up to the teacher and tell him, what I was feeling. After a few minutes, I gathered all my courage, and told him what I felt like and he offered me to go outside the class for a few minutes. I went outside and walked side to side. My teacher came out and asked if I was asthamatic, I replied no, (my voice sounded like I was crying) and he instantly knew I was having a panic attack, he got me water and went back inside. I stood there, thinking I was dying. I went back inside and acted normal. And none of my so-called close friends asked me what had happened’

By the way, I had no idea I was having a panic attack, whilst I was having one.

After that, I panicked in almost every history lesson, that I would have another one.

It was dreadful, and I thought.

‘Millions of people go through this everyday? Wow, thats what you call strong.’

All my plans are made with my anxiety in mind. I cant go to places, that will be crowded because I cant breathe. Etc;

People like me, with anxiety cant really have a normal life, we do try.

In the start, I useto complain about my anxiety with people. My intention was to warn them, incase I suddenly have a  panic attack, but they found it as me complaining. Then people complained about me ‘complaining’, then I stopped complaining. Woah, that was alot of ‘complaining’ in that sentence! Anyway, I tried to change and not ‘complain’, so I kept this ‘anxiety diary’.

 

At first it was a diary to write my feelings in, but now its a book which I write/doodle in when I feel anxious or even bored.

I take it out of my bag, in class and put it on the table, and my friends write random stuff in it. Its fun to look through it.

Here are some snippets of the inside of my diary:

   

  

   

I write random things. For example, quotes & lyrics.

For anyone who has anxiety, I strongly advise you make one of these. If you do then:

•DO NOT write how you feel when you’re anxious. Because you are focusing on them feelings, then they grow, which can lead to a panic attack.

•DO doodle, write random things.

I hope you enjoyed reading this.

Have an amazing day and stay beautiful!

~Maria x

This Or That Tag

Q1) Coffee or tea?
A) Coffee

Q2) Black and white or colour?
A) Black and white

Q3) Drawings or paintings?
A) Paintings

Q4) Dresses or skirts?
A) Dresses

Q5) Books or movies?
A) Movies

Q6) Pepsi or coke?
A) Coke

Q7) Chinese or Italian? (Foodwise)
A) Italian

Q8) Early bird or night owl?
A) Both

Q8) Chocolate or vanilla?
A) Vanilla

Q9) Hugs or kisses?
A) Both

Q10) Winter or summer?
A) Summer

Q11) Spring or fall?
A) Fall

Q12) Rural or Urban?
A) Rural, because its quiet.

Q13) Tan or pale?
A) Tan

Q14) Cake or Pie?
A) Pie

Q15) Ice cream or yogurt?
A) Ice cream!

Q16) Ketchup or mustard?
A) Ketchup

Q17) Comedy or mystery?
A) Comedy

Q18) Boots or sandals?
A) Boots

Q19) Silver or gold?
A) Silver

Q20) Dancing or singing?
A) Singing

Q21) Dark or white chocolate?
A) White

Q22) Tattoos or piercings?
A) Tattoos

Q23) Cats or dogs?
A) Both!

Q24) Glasses or contacts?
A) Contacts

Q25) Heels or flats?
A) Heels

Have an amazing day and stay beautiful!

Follow me on instagram @pwincezzmaria

Life.

Life is a crazy rollercoaster that you cannot simply get off.
Thats the sad part.
Life right now for me, is well, unpredictable.
My anxiety has taken over my life, and I do everything according to it.
Someone told me that behind my anxiety and stress is anger.
Anger towards my family for not being supportive.
Anger towards my friends, because they simply just dont understand.
And anger towards myself, because I am not good enough.
The problem is, how can I release my anger, without hurting anybody?

I am currently 14 years old, living in the uk. I am trying to find myself, because I dont know who I am, and what I want.

Thats all for now.

I hope you have an amazing day, and stay beautiful!

About Me Tag

Hey, so I thought I would do a tag, so you can get to know me better. Enjoy!

Q1) Whats your middle name?
A) Dont have one

Q2) Whats your favourite subject at school?
A) Science and History

Q3) What is your favourite song at the moment?
A) Thats hard! Emmm, lost boy by Ruth B

Q4) What is your favourite food?
A) Hmmm, I dont have one, but my favourite drink right now is coffee, any kind

Q5) What is the last thing you bought?
A) A white eyeliner from superdrug

Q6) Favourite book of all time?
A) I dont read much at all, but do fanfics count? If they do, it will probably be ‘After 1, 2 and 3′

Q7) Favourite colour?
A) Purple. And black, but black is a shade, oh well

Q8) Do you have a pet(s)?
A) Yes, I have a cat and a dog.

Q9) Favourite perfume?
A) That moment, by one direction. I dont actually own it, but I love the scent

Q10) Favourite holiday?
A) Hmm, when I went Ireland

Q11) Are you married?
A) Wow, no!

Q12) Have you ever been out of the country, if so how many times?
A) Yes, about 6/7 times

Q13) What languages do you speak?
A) Fluent english, fluent sarcasm, basic urdu, and a tiny bit of german.

Q14) How many siblings do you have?
A) 1 older brother, Hasan.

Q15) What is your favourite shop?
A) HnM

Q16) Favourite restaurant?
A) Pizza Hut

Q17) When was the last time you cried?
A) This morning

Q18) Favourite blog?
A) Sprinkleofglitter’s and Prettywildthings’

Q19) Favourite movies?
A) The fault in our stars, frozen, parnormal activity, saw and the last excorcism

Q20) Favourite TV shows?
A) Skins, orange is the new black, eastenders, waterloo road

Q21) PC or Mac?
A) I havent had a mac, but I would choose a mac, because of imovie!

Q22) What phone do you have?
A) iPhone 5, in grey

Q23) How tall are you?
A) 5ft3

Q24) Can you cook?
A) Yes, but only basic things

I hope that gave you a little more info on me!

Follow me on instagram @pwincezzmaria (girls only)

Leave requests down below!

Have an amazing day and stay beautiful!

Intro

Hi, I’m Maryam. Currently 14 years old, born and bred in the uk. I have 2 pets, a cat called Cherry and a Japanease Akita called Missy. I have a passion for children and photography. I take photos of literally anything, food, sunsets, a clock! I know I’m wierd. My friends say that I’m funny, but I honestly dont try. I am a Belieber and Lovatic. Demi and Justin are just too amazing!

I dont believe in bestfriends, but I have one, shes more like my sister, her name is Fatima. Shes Irish with an american accent, wierd? When I first saw her, she was talking about meeting Niall Horan from 1D, and I was like “uggghhhh another show off”. But we ended up being bestfriends. Its crazy, I know. But no matter how wierd she may be, I love her.

I’ve always wanted to start a blog, just to type my thoughts and for people to know my ideas.

Thats all, I am a very awkward and boring person, so sorry!

I hope you have an amazing day and stay beautiful!

instagram~@pwincezzmaria (girls only)