Distant.

*Contains Swearing*

I get pissed off at my friends sometimes, also if I am sad about something else then I tend to say something to them which ends our relationships.

Some cases I say something really over the top and mean.

Sometimes I call them something rude.

I distant myself from my friends, and then expect them to forgive me.

Sometimes they understand, and most times they dont.

Thats the amazing thing about my sister (shes actually my bestfriend), she understands, yes she gets pissed at me alot, but she understands, thats one of the many thing I love about her.

Im slipping into that dark place again, I have mixed feelings towards it, I like it because I feel human but I dont like it because it affects everybody around me.

Music was my escape. It just doesnt work anymore.
Sleep was my escape, but I dont want to sleep because I know I’ll have to wake up again.

At the moment photography and blogging are my escapes.

A friend of mines status currently is ‘You arent given a hard or easy life, you are given a life, you decide what it is’. Thats amazing advice, but ‘easier said than done’.

I wonder every single fucking day why me?
Why do I have to suffer?

But everyone has to suffer, but God gives it to people who can handle it.

You see, I cannot.

Im struggling so much.

I need fucking help.

I dont even know what the fuck my life is right now.

I hope you have an amazing day and stay beautiful!

~Maryam x

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